I don't know why, but for me the time around May and June is always a bit emotional. This is the time of the year when my brain fires off more memories about the past then perhaps any other time of the year. I really wish I wasn't so past oriented. So here I am, 2am and not being able to sleep.
Tonight I have been thinking about all the people who I do not and can not see anymore. Some are due to distance, others due to death. Other people are very close, but meeting or communicating seems tiresome or difficult. So really, what is friendship, or even companionship. Why do so many people seek these things out? I do it for some level of comfort. Loneliness is just a step away from depression.
Tonight I am also wondering why people don't contact me very often. Perhaps I am a jerk. Perhaps I am a boring person. Perhaps everybody else is busy just like me and also wonder why people don't contact them more. Perhaps I am just lonely, even though I am surrounded by good people.
Well, there is no use thinking about the past. It is not coming back. The best thing is just to walk forward, maybe into a wall -- but, at least that would be something that is physically here, not ethereal like memories.
つづく
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